I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
