too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
