I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
