Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
