just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
