matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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