I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
