Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
