Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
