you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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