Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
