i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
