I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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