textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
