i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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