I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize