I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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