Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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