I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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