oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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