The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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