He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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