apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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