Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
