he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I see more hoeing in ur future
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