Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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