So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
