Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
