remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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