when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
