i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
