the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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