I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
