the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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