It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
