Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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