he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
