Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
FUCK WHALES
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
