why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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