remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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