So drunk its hurt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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