How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is Oprah even human
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
