It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
