wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
