Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
