the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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