I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
