he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
