i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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