i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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